365 Things Every Golfer Should Know
Golf is one of those games where nobody else can take credit for your ability...or wants to.
Nobody ever looked up and saw a good shot.- Don Herold
Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the golf course. - Billy Graham
Half of Golf is fun; The other half is putting. - Peter Doebereiner
By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit it that far. - Lewis Grizzard
Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt. - John Bishop
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. -
Paul Harvey
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's game. It's called and eraser. - Arnold Palmer
I think I fail just a bit less than everyone else.- Byron Nelson
As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. - Ben Hogan
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, It's golf. - Bob Hope
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would have come up sliced. - Lee Trevino
It took me 17 years to get 3000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. - Hank Aaron
Forgetting what lies behind, I push on. - The Apostle
Paul
When you play the game for fun, it's fun. When you play it for a living, it's a game of sorrows.- Gery Player
You can talk to a fade, but a hook won't listen. - Lee Trevino
I can air mail the golf ball a long distance, but sometimes I don't put the right address on it. - Jim Dent
Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to end up with anything but grief, but you can't resist the the impulse. - Jackie Gleason
When Jack Nicklaus plays well, he wins. When he plays badly he comes in second. When he plays terrible, he comes in third. - Johnny Miller
I don't think TV has messed up my game. I've pretty much taken care of that on my own. - Curtis Strange
The older I get, the better I used to be. - Lee Trevino
My biggest fear is having to go out and get a real job. - Fuzzy Zoeller
Every hole should be a hard par and an easy bogey - Robert Trent Jones
Three things I fear: lightning, Ben Hogan, and a downhill putt. - Sam Snead
Practice Tee: A place where golfers go to convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice
Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder.
Oxymoron: An easy par 3.
Bob Barker: A shot that's hit so high that you want it to "Come on down".
Cart Path: A hard smooth surface that can add 30 yards to your drive.
Golf: A five mile walk that is puntcuated with disappointments.
The first professional golf tournament was held in 1860. The prize-a red leather belt.
The first instructional book about golf was written in 1687.
The Hershey Chocolate Company was the first corporate sponsor of a golf tournament.
The first televised gold tournament aired in 1947.
The first 18-hole course in America was built in 1892.
Graphite shafts were introduced in 1973.
Metal woods were introduced in 1979 by Taylor Made.
More than 26 million Americans play golf.
Approximately 90 percent of golfers shoot in the 100s.
The longest recorded hole-in-one was 447 yards, hit on October 7, 1965.
There are more sesame seeds on a Big Mac than there are dimples on a golf ball.
Callaway is the world's largest golf company.
The average drive leaves the tee at 160 miles per hour.
The maximum weight for a golf ball is 1.62 ounces.
The highest recorded score on a par three is 166.
Pine Valley golf course in New Jersey has the largest bunker in the world. It's one-half acre.
Americans spend more than $630 million a year on golf balls
There are more than 10,000 golf course in the U.S.
The only person to play golf on the moon was Alan Shepard.
The United States Golf Association (USGA) was founded in 1894 as the governing body of golf in the United States.
Before 1850, golf balls were made of leather and stuffed with feathers.
Patience is better than pride (Ecclesiastes 7:8).
A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes (Proverbs 14:29).
A relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life (Proverbs 14:30)
You may carry no more than 14 clubs in your bag.
You aren't allowed to take a practice swing in a sand trap.
You can't tee the ball up on the fairway.
The three basic rules: a) Play the course as you find it. b) Play the ball as it lies. c) If you can't do either of these, do what's fair.
It is legal to putt out of a bunker (but don't try it).
Alligator Putt: A putt with a lot of bumps along the way.
Bass bait: A ball hit into deep water.
Candles: Scoring eleven on a hole.
Direct deposit: A hole in one.
Easter egg: A found ball (not your own).
Fly paper: Slow greens.
Gut truck: Beverage cart.
Home run: Hitting a shot out-of-bounds and over a fense.
In jail: An impossible lie--there's no way out!
Jailer: An impolite golfer who rattles his keys while your putting
Knee Knocker: A drive that is only knee high.
Loaf: A huge divot stuck on your club
Military golf: Hitting the ball left,left,left,right,left
Nails: A pair of golf shoes
Out house: Making par with an out-of-bounds
PISO: Phooey, I'm still out
Quack, A sharp hook
Rabbit: A putt that hops along into the hole.
Scuba diving: Scooping the ball out of the water with you club.
Tigered it: Reached a par five in two strokes.
UBE: Ugly But Effective
Victory lap: A ball that lips the hole before going in.
Water wedge: Ball retriever
Xeroxers: Copy of knock-off clubs
Yips: Uncontrollable nervousness before putting
Zorro: Scoring a par without ever being in the fairway.
Never walk in another players putting line.
Never enter a bunker from the front.
Never bring your clubs onto the green.
Never be late for your tee time.
Never hit into the group ahead of you. Let the marshal keep play moving.
Never talk or make noise when someone is putting or addressing the ball.
Never leave a ball mark on the green unrepaired.
Never bring a cell phone to the course.
Never play golf during an electrical storm. Ask Lee Trevino.
Never go to the tee without a spare ball in your pocket.
Never play a mulligan with a group waiting behind you.
Never continue playing out a hole when you've reached triple bogey. Pick up.
Never write down your score while on the green you've just completed. Move ahead.
Never turn in a score that isn't the truth. You're only cheating yourself.
Know your favorite course's tee-time policies.
Always have a few good, clean golf jokes.
If you've been looking for five minutes and can't find your ball, let it rest in peace.
When on the green, put your mark behind the ball.
Amateurs shouldn't wear knickers.
At home, refrain from using your putter as a hammer.
When on the ranger, don't cheer when someone hits the guy picking up the balls.
Don't ever volunteer to be the range ball guy.